Being comfortable (with feeling uncomfortable): My public speaking journey

This is a transcript of Episode 27 of the First Time Facilitator podcast. Usually on the show I interview amazing facilitators, speakers and leaders but I’m going solo for today’s episode. This is the third solo episode I’ve recorded and these ones are usually spurred on by questions I receive from listeners. So the question this week was from a colleague and it was this:

“Leanne, how did you get the confidence to speak in front of large groups?”

There's a bit to unpack in that question. Its different for everyone.  Interestingly, this question is about confidence; not about developing the skill.I'm going to share the real opportunity I had that lead me to feel more confident and now accept opportunities where I do speak in public. In saying that, I’m still human and continue to question my ability before accepting these opportunities. However, after talking to fellow facilitators and speakers on the podcast, that appears to be a fairly normal response. I guess the good thing about type of response, is that it keeps you on your toes and not operating in autopilot.The definition of large group is also different from everyone. I think anything above 30 is pretty large. From my experience, anything above 30 or 40 requires a microphone, probably a stage and some bright lights. I can give you a short and long answer for this but I took this question as a really good opportunity to reflect on the things that I actually did to position myself to accept large group speaking opportunities, with perceived confidence.

It was October 2014

Lazy days in Broome

I was living in a small, coastal regional town in Western Australia called Broome. I talk about Broome in a lot of episodes as I have find memories there. Imagine a place where in winter, you can swim at the beach, in summer it’s too hot to do anything. The population is very small, about 15,000 people. The closest town is a 2 hour drive away, the nearest capital city is Jakarta, Indonesia. You don’t really do things there. Your weekend plans are dictated by the tide times, everyone drives a 4wd and you spend most of your time in air conditioning, down the beach camping and fishing, with a cold beer in hand.It was wonderful! However living there for 3.5 years you can become pretty complacent, and outside of work, I wasn’t really achieving a lot. I wanted to create some more discipline for myself.I thought I would set myself a ridiculous goal, something that would get me out of bed nice and early… literally... and that was to run a marathon. It was a big goal because growing up, I hated running. I loved playing netball, but I loathed the fitness element - I associated running with everything negative in life. However, living in this coastal town, there were no hills, no traffic, and because nothing really happened in town, I had time up my sleeve. This gave me the ultimate entry point to start. So I signed up for the GC Marathon.Not having a clue on how to do this, I enlisted a coach Pat Carroll. He’d won a few Gold Coast marathons.  My goal was to simply finish under 5 hours.On a side note, this is a speech I did at Pecha Kucha, Broome about the whole marathon training experience.I’m sharing this story as there were a couple of words of phrases he said, that I think can generally be applied to this question about gaining confidence in speaking in front of large groups.I'm going to drop one of those phrases now and then again later on, in the episode. Pat said that a lot of people approach runs and start cross-training, ie. Do weights, swim or cycle. But HE SAID - and gosh, it sounds so simple - and you’re probably going to think I’m crazy to highlight this as some kind of watershed moment - but it was for me...

He said, "The best way to train for a marathon is, to simply, run".

Running at the Gold Coast marathon

You need to start banking those kilometres on your legs. You don’t need to do pilates, swim, hike, or play touch footy. Just run.  Bank those kilometres on your legs. I loved that concept of banking kilometres. And I banked thousands of kilometre on my legs in those nine months.My most recent podcast guest, Neen James agrees with this.  If you listened to my conversation with Neen in Episode 26, you would have heard her mention the phrase ‘Time on your feet.’So my short answer to that question, ‘How did I get the confidence to speak in public?’, well it was really about banking that time on my feet as a speaker.That leads onto the next question:

How do I find time in my feet, so when a marathon-like speaking opportunity comes along, I’m prepared?

If you go through school and Uni, that’s a good start and there are opportunities there, like high school English class presentations or the dreaded group assignment preso at University.I’ve also always loved seeing others kill it on stage. I have always been fascinated by the power of strong delivery, and what brilliant presentation looks like. I guess the difference I brought, was to continually to ask myself, "What can I do that is different? Who is in the audience, what do they want, what is the hook?”When I really think about why I care so much about making sure my message hits… it probably comes back to my philosophy about how life is too short.In Episode 16, I spoke with Adam Mustoe about the Gallup Strengths Finder 2 and my second highest strength theme is Maximiser. The Maximiser theme is really around ‘Do you want fries with that?’ and taking advantage of opportunities…you get caught out sometimes, particularly when travelling as you want to cram and juggle everything into a day. How this theme plays out also is that if I’m given the opportunity to present in front of other people, I want to maximise that moment. I believe you are in a position of great opportunity the second you have more than two people in the room.  Life is too short to have your time wasted by boring, irrelevant and un-memorable presentations. When you’re the one in front of that room, don’t waste everyone else's time.And that’s my real driver for doing things differently.

Sport played a role.

I was lucky getting into netball from the age of 10. Through the game, I’ve been given opportunities to speak in front of others at occasions from speaking in team huddles during quarter breaks, to club presentation nights and dinners.In University, I started coaching more junior teams and I believe being a coach had a significant impact on my ability to deliver a message succinctly and projecting my voice - particularly when you have quarter and half time breaks to do that and your audience are 13 to 15 year olds.My first official MC gig was as on-court announcer for the Queensland State League netball finals back in 2003. I called the teams on the court, thanked sponsors, talked through key highlights of the match. Through this, I learned about the importance of time-keeping, how to speak clearly into a microphone, and the realisation that the role of MC is so much more than just the delivery. There is a lot of background work involved in who you need to liaise with, what your backup plans are, etc. Now when you start doing this sort of stuff, the people around you hear about it, and that opened doors as an MC’ing at friend’s weddings.

If you’re ever asked to MC a wedding, please say yes.

For two reasons in particular:

1. It keeps you off the booze for a few hours so that you can avoid a painful hangover!

2. The skill to being a wedding MC is about really making it a personal experience. So this experience forces you to tailor your message -for the couple, family and friends. Having that first wedding MC gig again opened up more invites to MC other events.

Can you see from this trail how it all works?

If we’re relate speaking back to running, I believe those school, netball and uni presentations were 5km runs. MC’ing a wedding is a half marathon.And unfortunately, similarly to running, you can’t go cold turkey for 6 months and then expect to run at the same pace you did while training.

So how can you continue to get that speaking experience?

Speaking at Disrupt HR, Brisbane

I know a lot of the listeners are split, probably about 50% working in a full-time job and 50% freelance. For those working, there are so many opportunities to put your hand up and deliver presentations from where you stand.While I was working in Marketing for a company called Wicked Campers, we were sponsors of the annual Backpacker travel expo in Melbourne. As part of the sponsorship package, the company was offered an opportunity to run some sessions on travelling around Australia.I put my hand up.In my role working in Government in regional Western Australia, we had a fortnightly Friday morning video hook-up with the other campuses in the region called Communication Corridor. As I needed to share internal messages, I put my hand up and asked to be in the agenda, pretty frequently.  I challenged myself to out-do my previous presentations over and over again.When it came to Friday morning, I also felt like whacking myself on the head and questioning myself on volunteering for these sessions and putting myself under undue pressure. It would have been much easier not volunteering and sitting in the crowd every fortnight, But, when we held a Professional Development week for all 200 staff in the region, guess who was asked to MC the event?In late 2016, I was asked to co-facilitate some leadership training in Brisbane. A few months later and I was onboard a flight to Canada to run the same workshop over there.

Time on your feet matters.

Not only does it give you more time to practice your presentation skills and experiment with content, but more importantly, you also get used to that feeling of uncomfortable-ness. You get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It also leads you to good things and great opportunities that you would never have realised. Every time you step up, it’s an opportunity for you to market yourself and build your personal brand. You get luckier. I think the best analogy that sums this up is the one I heard on Episode #49 of the Jordan Harbinger show. In this episode, Jordan chats to Alex Banayan about mentoring. In fact, its so good, I am going to share it for you below:There's no denying that luck plays a role in anyone's success.But it was in conversation with then-Microsoft executive Qi Lu that gave Alex a real understanding of lucks role in success.Qi Lu had grown up in a village outside of Shanghai, China that was so poor to the extent that there was only one teacher per 300 children and people developed deformities from malnutrition. Being very smart and working very hard, Qi was making seven dollars a month by the time he was 27. Like so many other intelligent, hard workers in China, he dreamed of a better life in America — so, he needed an advantage over the competition.As luck would have it, Qi had the opportunity to speak to a Carnegie Mellon professor lecturing at his local university. The professor had been so impressed by the questions he was asking and the papers he had written about the professor's area of expertise that Qi was offered a full scholarship to Carnegie Mellon.How did luck play into it? Under normal circumstances, Qi would have ridden his bicycle to visit his parents on that particular night of the week — but it was raining, so he stayed on campus, attended the lecture, and happened to be the most well-informed scholar in the room on the topic at hand. Thanks to his extra months of productivity, he was prepared when opportunity knocked.To Alex, Qi imparted this nugget of wisdom: Luck is like a bus. If you miss one, there will always be the next one. But if you are not prepared, you won't be able to get on.This encouraged Alex to do a little more digging into the science of luck, and from the research, it seems one thing is clear: luck is a mindset, not a phenomenon.

When I again reflect on that question, how did you get the confidence to speak in front of large groups?

As you can see, it’s an evolution piece underpinned by three things:

1. Bank that time on your feet.

2. Put your hand up and find the opportunities.

3. Every time you have an opportunity to present, challenge yourself to stretch and outperform your previous presentation.

The second piece of advice from my running coach, Pat Carroll was not to be concerned by the fact that your longest training run does not take you near 42.2km. Save yourself for the marathon. Prepare consistently, stay injury free, and your solid preparation combined with race day atmosphere will allow you to go all the way.Nothing will prepare you for that marathon moment in front of hundreds of people with the spotlight on you, but you’ll get pretty close by banking the thousands of kilometres prior, and you can be confident to accept the opportunity, given the success you’ve had in the past.

I'd love to hear how you got your speaking experience.

How will you find that time on your feet? Where are you banking your speaking kilometres? Comment below!

The 7 attributes of a superhero facilitator (and how to rescue a workshop or meeting from a fate worse than death).

It’s Monday morning and you’ve donned your day job attire. You’re sitting in your cubicle, minding your own business, when suddenly a civilian colleague approaches.

You chat about your respective weekends, then they pause and ask “Hey, what are you up to next Thursday morning? Can you facilitate our team meeting?”

You feel surprised (and flattered) and accept. Moments after they walk away, you think to yourself “Why did they pick me? Why on earth did I say yes? I have no idea what to do!”

Firstly, congratulations on saying yes! That’s a big win. Superhero facilitators are often caught off guard but are always up for the challenge.

So it’s time to bust open the button-down shirt and reveal the proverbial multi-colour Lycra suit of Super Facilitator.For the purpose of this article, let’s define the responsibilities of a facilitator.

A facilitator is there to:

• Guide people with different work styles, personalities and values through a process to reach the meeting objectives.

• Ensure active participation from all members of the group and draw out their opinions and ideas.

• Keep the group focused on the agenda and moving forward.

So, how does a facilitator carry out these responsibilities like a superhero (Lycra optional)?

1. A superhero might be able to see through walls, but they can’t see into the future. A superhero facilitator must predict and prepare for a number of possible outcomes.

Most skilled facilitators spend 2 to 3 times as long preparing than the amount of time they spend at the actual session. I think that’s a great ratio to work with, particularly if you’re just starting out.So, how on earth do you spend that preparation time? Superhero facilitators don’t leave any scenario unplanned for and they always have a plan B, C, D and E.

Who’s who in the zoo?

Dig into the details of the group, such as the individual personalities, their motivations, and the overall group dynamics. What’s the history of the group? Why are they seeking an external facilitator? Have they tried to achieve these meeting outcomes previously?

What does the successful superhero mission look like?

Examine the group’s objectives. What will it take from you to get them there? Do you think the allocated time is sufficient? What will you suggest as an option if an outcome can’t be reached in that time?

Is the space fit for purpose?

The environment and general climate of a meeting or planning session sets an important tone for participation. Is the site accessible to everyone? Is the space the right size? Is the audio-visual equipment a breeze to set up?

Make a checklist of everything you will need, down to the last minute detail.

I recently ran a session which required a deck of card to be cut in half. Ten minutes before the workshop commenced, I realised my laser vision was playing up and I didn’t have a pair of scissors handy. It was a stress that was neither necessary, nor fun.

Save yourself the drama and write down all of the resources that you’ll need.Even everyday facilitators should have a structure and an idea of the general direction the session should take. Superhero facilitators however, know that nothing ever goes to plan. Having plenty of options to draw on will provide you with flexibility and allow you to change things up based on the group’s needs.

I have been leading one-day induction sessions where a variety of speakers deliver consecutive sessions. As you can imagine, over the course of the day, there are times where we gain or lose time against the loose schedule.

The first time the session ran, I had only planned one back-up activity, which we used before morning tea. Lesson learnt. The second and subsequent times, I had five games up my (Lycra) sleeve and associated resources. Having that flexibility is important, will give you confidence and your future self will thank you for it.

2. A superhero facilitator never underestimates their audience’s basic needs.

Civilians, I mean participants, get hungry and lose focus and enthusiasm.

Catering is important. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read through feedback sheets and over 50% of the comments relate to food. I’m serious. From my experience, keep the hot savouries for morning tea and the sweets for afternoon tea. Grumbling stomachs take your participants’ minds off the meeting.

Oh, and bad coffee is like kryptonite. Ensure good coffee, every time (or, at the very least point the participants in the direction of a great café and give them time to grab one). Sometimes this decision is out of your control, but a superhero facilitator will influence the decision.

Speaking of distractions, you don’t need to use your x-ray vision to scan for non-verbal cues from the group. Hone in if someone appears to be disinterested and watch to see how that effects other members in a team. Are people shifting in their seats? Are they bored or looking confused? If they seem restless, either take a break, speed up or slow down the meeting pace.

Sometimes you will need to match the activity you have in mind with the energy in the group (another reason to have a variety of them in your kit). Other times, you’ll need to find a new way to boost a low-energy group’s enthusiasm.

Take care, notice your group’s energy levels and inject interest when it’s needed to help them operate at their best.

3. A superhero facilitator can segue like a boss.

Groups have a tendency to roam far from the original agenda and often need rescuing to bring them back to the core discussion. When you notice them wandering off, bring it to the group’s attention by saying something along the lines of “That’s interesting – perhaps we should get back to the original topic”. Bonus points if you can somehow segue the distraction into the next agenda item!Many groups will discuss an outcome for far longer than they need to unless you help them recognise that essentially, they’re agreeing on the point.

If you pick this up, ask someone in the team to summarise the points of agreement.If one or two individuals disagree, state the situation as clearly as you can: “Lex and Lois seem to have other feelings on the matter, but everyone else thinks [insert statement here]. Perhaps we can decide to go in the direction that most of the group wants, and they can get back to us on other ways to accommodate their concerns.”Be wary when deciding where the meeting should go. Check back to see if there are questions and then summarise and provide the next steps or actions for the group.

4. A superhero facilitator has a sixth sense for group dynamics.

You need to find ways to ensure the entire group is on an equal playing field, and inclusivity is the name of the game. Sometimes you’ll need strategies to deal with disrupters, and like most potentially dangerous situations, I am of the firm belief that prevention is better than cure.

At the beginning of the workshop, gain agreement on the agenda, ground rules and desired outcomes. Also cover what’s not in scope and highlight anything that’s not covered in the meeting.

Building a relationship with a new group requires you to find some common goals and interests, shared values and outlooks. If power players are in the room, acknowledge their influence and role. Empower them by giving them a role to play during the meeting.

Using this time at the start of the meeting will also allow you to get a feel for the individuals in the group; wall flowers who might need extra support and big hitters who may need to be managed.The ‘dominator’ is the most common workshop villain (aka disrupter).

They try to steer the discussion away from what you’re meant to be talking about, have side conversations with the person sitting next to them, and attack others’ ideas. As a facilitator, your first step is to recognise that the floor needs to be shared around.

5. A superhero facilitator knows the right questions to pitch, at the right time.

Facilitators ask questions primarily to help participants clarify their thoughts and evaluate information. Use a combination of open-ended and closed questions. One framework you can employ is the APPLE technique:

• A – Ask the question.

• P – Pause to allow participants to comprehend the question and formulate an answer.

• P – Pick a member to provide an answer.

• L – Listen to the answer.

• E – Elaborate on the answers obtained.

Some good question-starters include:

• “Tell me about…”

• “What would happen if we…”

• “In your experience…”

• “What do you think about…”

6. A superhero facilitator draws on extraordinary interrogation tactics (Active Listening).

Mirroring, paraphrasing and tracking are three tools you can leverage to help you with active listening.  Mirroring is when you repeat back the speaker’s words verbatim.

It helps the speaker hear what they just said, shows neutrality and can help to establish trust.Paraphrasing is a way to show the speaker and the group that their thoughts were heard and understood. Unlike mirroring, paraphrasing is using your own words to explain what you think the speaker said.

For example “It sounds like you’re saying [insert paraphrased content]. Is that what you mean?”Lastly, tracking is when you’re keeping track of various lines of thought that are occurring  within a single discussion. It helps to summarise the different perspectives and show that multiple ideas are equally valid.

7. Superhero facilitators must bide their time – they have unwavering patience.

Like most missions worth embarking on, becoming an effective facilitator takes practice.

The good thing is, you CAN learn all of these skills (and laser vision really isn’t essential).Remember, each group is different and as you sharpen your skillset, you’ll intuitively figure out what works best for the team, the meeting and the organisation.I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article.

Do you think any superhero facilitator attributes are missing? Comment below.